Mom and prayer

Remember how I said here that my mother and I had sort of reached an understanding about religion, a sort of "agree to disagree and never talk about it" state of affairs. Well, I wouldn't say that's off, but consider the following exchange: since I was home on Sunday, she asked if I planned to go to church. I said no, I hadn't planned on it, leaving it unspokenly open that I would go if she wanted to. She said okay, she wouldn't plan on it either. Nonetheless, scant hours later as we prepared to eat lunch, she asked me to say the prayer.

Now, I'm happy to sit in respectful silence, waiting to begin my meal until she's properly blessed the food. And it wouldn't kill me to say the prayer, but I couldn't believe she asked me. Not only did she ask me, but when I politely demurred, she insisted. Okay now, I'll go and sit through church with you if you like (I'll even sing out every hymn because I enjoy that), but why would you ask me to say the pre-meal prayer? That is, why would you want me to say some formulaic verse--or even some extemporaneous prose--that in my mind amounts to saying nice things to and asking for nice things from your imaginary friend? For all that I respect the beliefs of believers, for all that I'll admit I may be wrong and may even need to change my mind in the future, right now I don't believe in it and I shouldn't need to say things that I don't believe in front of my mother when she knows I don't believe them.

Her response to my refusal was "What, have you forgotten how to pray?" How condescending. As a matter of fact, I could probably say a damn fine prayer. In the early days of unbelief, while I was the director of a Christian music group (it was a good opportunity to get some musical experience directing a group. And maybe a touch hypocritical), I was once asked to lead the group in prayer (only a few of them knew what my actual beliefs were). I consented and said whatever seemed appropriate at the time. Afterward, one of the girls said "Wow, you really pray well. Do you practice a lot?" Actually no. No I don't. For that matter, prayer doesn't really seem like something you'd practice, except in the generic sense--which is to say, it's something you woud just do. It's not like tennis, where you can work on your serve, or basketball where you work on your free-throw shooting. Imagine if it were though... "Dear God... no no, um... Oh Lord God... hmmm, not quite... Most glorious and loving God... yeah, that's good, now I'll just say that over and over until I've got it down, then move on to the part where I ask him for things."

Anyway, it was an awkward moment, there at the table with my mother. Finally she gave in and just said the prayer, but I can't imagine what she thought to accomplish. I could even respect if she was worried about the state of my soul and wanted to convince me to change my beliefs and on that basis opened a dialogue with me, but to just try to make me say a prayer, like that's going to magically change my mind? Maybe if I hadn't really thought about it and were just playing unbeliever on a whim, but I thought I'd made it clear to her through narrative and argumentation that such was not the case. Ah well. If she wants to slip in some awkward moments when I visit, I guess that's her prerogative. She holds the deed to the house, after all.

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