Self-absorbed

Let me say first that the young man I am going to write about, I have known to be a pretty nice kid, who is at times funny, at times insightful, and a hard worker when that's called for. At the same time, he represents one of the youthful characteristics for which I have an unaffected scorn.

Primarily, I think, what I have issue with is a certain self-absorption and lack of consideration of others that seems to me the mark of immaturity, whether the individual displaying this characteristic is 15 or 30 (in this case, he's 19).

For example, during the pool job we made a run to get some food in his car, and it turns out that he's one of those kids who plays gangsta rap loudly with the windows down--in other words, without any consideration for those around him. That's thoughtless enough, but there was an even more egregious example related to his music later in the day. When he and I and my best friend, his uncle, were in this young man's car on the way home from dinner at my friend's mom's house, the stereo was again playing. While we were having dinner, a client of the pool business had called, so my friend returned the call. Although he put up with the music in the background for a while (it wasn't excessively loud at this point), eventually my friend reached over and turned down the volume. Clearly annoyed, the boy turned it back up. Equally annoyed, my friend turned it down again. He turned it up again, said something about not messing with his settings, and then turned the music down on the iPod from which it was playing. The issue seems clear enough to me (as it did to my friend, who spoke sharply to his nephew after he finished his call)--when someone is trying to talk on the phone, you should turn down music even without being asked. I think this should have happened at the start of the phone call. Certainly, once someone asks or turns it down himself, the matter should be settled. Further exacerbating matters, after the music was turned way down, he let out a loud curse of "Jesus Christ!" when some other motorist did something he didn't like. Recall that this was a business call that my friend was making; once again, it's just a complete lack of consideration for someone else. When running a business--a business for which this young man fairly often works--my friend needs to project a certain amount of professionalism, which neither gangsta rap nor loud cursing in the background quite convey. To me, it seemed he was so wrapped up in himself was he that he didn't acknowledge the needs or wants of others.

Or a rather different example. Today, at his girlfriend's request, he is going to church with her and her grandmother. She told him to wear whatever he wanted, so he plans to wear the clothes he always wears: baggy jeans and a shirt in the hiphop style, sneakers, and quite possibly a hat. All of us at the dinner table suggested that "whatever you want" shouldn't necessarily be taken literally, that there are, in fact, fairly clear standards of decorum for the situation. It's no longer socially expected that you will wear a suit or tie to church, of course, but it is expected that one will "dress up."

His attitude, though, is "this is who I am, and if they don't like the way I dress then they don't like me and screw them." He's expecting them to respect him no matter what he does, but in essence he is failing to show respect to them by not really considering their desires or expectations. He says that her grandmother likes him and knows how he dresses already, so he doesn't expect it to matter how he dresses for church. I have a hard time believing, though, that this will be entirely true. Equally, I doubt that he'll understand the situation if anyone does hold his clothing choices against him. In essence, other people should bend to him and never the other way around.

It seems to me that the rap he listens to in at the very least a reflection of this mentality. I'm certainly no expert on the genre, but it seems like, first and foremost, many of the lyrics are about asserting one's own identity and superiority. Rappers, more than artists in other genres, feel a need to say in their songs who they are, and more than that, to say how great their lyrics, rhymes, or musical skills are. Following in the tradition of Whitman, oneself is often the most fit subject for rap. More than just preening about oneself as an artist, there is a need to assert their street cred by talking tough about how nobody can or should mess with them, because they are badasses (to put it mildly) who have either killed someone and/or would in a heartbeat. In other words, the music is an expression of hyper-individuality and superiority--I matter more than anyone else; what I want is more important than what anyone else wants.

The excessive profanity of the music is a further expression of this same sentiment. The broader cultural standards for proper expression and decency of language are not only ignored, but loudly flouted: I don't care how you think I should speak (let us not forget the loose grammar either); in fact, I dare you to judge me for what I say. It's ultimately even less expression than assertion.

Basically, it's a feedback loop. Self-absorption is the natural state of immaturity. Kids are born thinking first and foremost about themselves. When they encounter this music, it tends to reinforce and validate the feelings they already have. They like the music because it legitimizes what they are feeling, and because it does so, they tend to be less likely to mature beyond this stage.

Of course, I don't want to paint with too broad a brush here. I'm not suggesting that this is the only reason anyone likes the music or that the entire genre fits into my characterization. Although I don't particularly like the genre, there are songs that fit under its umbrella that I do like, either for musical qualities, clever lyrics, or because they remind me of particular times and places. Still, I think there's something to it as a general characterization.

Your thoughts are, as always, most welcome.

tags: rap  gangsta rap  immaturity vs maturity  

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