Thinking Cholesterol

posted Tuesday, 3 April 2007

No, no, this isn't a post about sentient LDLs roaming the body with evil genius. This stuff's scary enough without such advantages. No, I was just thinking about cholesterol. I was talking to my mother--who has high cholesterol--and she was talking to one of my aunts, who mentioned that one of my cousins has high cholesterol. Now, I know what you're thinking--big surprise, obviously it runs in your family. Yeah, but here's the thing: this particular cousin is still in college, not almost-thirty like me. No wait, here's the thing: she's in college on scholarship for cross country and track. Diet and exercise are what we're "supposed" to do to lower our cholesterol, right? Well, this girl has been exercising intensely for years now. She's not overweight and she's just 20 years old. We are talking some seriously bad genes in my family!

Here's the thing though: we're told we're supposed to exercise, but it's clear from anecdotal evidence--and what better kind is there?--that exercise isn't doing the trick. First witness for the prosecution of exercise is Kapoo, whose cholesterol level is fine despite a severe allergy to exercise. Or consider this: my doctor indicated that the problem with my bad cholesterol was that too much of it was in the form of dense little globs (scientific term) that bang up against arteries and damage them; so, we know that these little bullets of arterial death are there, in my bloodstream, so what are we going to do, go out and exercise, which will cause my heart to beat faster, which will cause my blood to flow faster, which will send vollies of LDL missiles scudding deep into my heartland? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea! No thanks. I'll just sit here, not move at all, slow down my breathing, and try to get those suckers to slow the hell down. That's it, nice and easy, just slow down. Somebody please phone me in absent to work, I'm not leaving my couch for the next two months. Oh, and preparing my own food might be too much excitement--could somebody place a standing order for me at the pizza place? I'd do it myself, but the phone is on the other side of the room.

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1. Kapoo left...
Tuesday, 3 April 2007 7:00 am

Dude, Look at all of those 100+ old men who say things like "All my life, I've smoked ten cigars a day, and all of my meals have consited of a half a bottle of Kentuky Burbon and a sack o sugar."

I think the only thing that we really know for sure about medical science is that we really don't know as much as we think we do about medical science.

Actually, it was a sack o sugar mixed with a pound o butter into a tasty, tasty paste. All part of my own master plan, btw...


2. catty left...
Tuesday, 3 April 2007 7:36 am :: http://savetheamericanfamily.blog-city.c

Oh my. Would that be veggie pizza with soy based cheese?

Uh yeah. Sure, that would be it. Topped off with meat and real cheese, of course.


3. Zachary Nowak left...
Tuesday, 3 April 2007 8:55 am

Kapoo, ever hear the one about the lawyer and the pope who arrive in Heaven at the same time. The pope gets a little apartment, the lawyer the penthouse suite. When the latter asks St.Peter, the keeper of the pearly gates says "Well, we get a lot os popes here...but you're the FIRST lawyer!"

  • Point is, for ever 100 year old guy who smokes ten cubans a day, there are a thousand eighty year olds who have eaten well and exercised. The chubby lazy guy who lives to one-hundred is inteh news because he's the exception. All else being equal, I'm betting on teh carrots, not on Jackie D.

    • Sherck, your doctor say anything about changing your diet before he prescribed medication?

Change my diet? Are you kidding? Dude, I'm an American--that means my way of life is non-negotiable. So no, I just let a phramaceutical company handle my health.


4. John-Ward Leighton left...
Tuesday, 3 April 2007 3:20 pm :: http://jayward70.toadfire.com/

Have just lost a friend to a heart attack cause by you guessed it "his high cholesterol". He was slightly overweight and mostly inactive. He was only sixty years old, ten years younger than me. His wife was an excellent cook who contributed to the bad diet and no Omega threes. JWL


5. lisapooh left...
Tuesday, 3 April 2007 6:51 pm

I am convinced that when it is your time to go...you go. Doesn't matter how sick or healthy you are.I just hope my number isn't up any time to soon and the big guy waits untill I am sleeping!


6. Kapoo left...
Wednesday, 4 April 2007 8:31 am

Looking back over this, I am shocked an insulted. There shouldn't be any amazment over my lack of exercise and surprisingly good cholesterol. There should be amazment over my horribly unhealthy diet and surprisingly good cholesterol.

And Zach, you'e missing the point. these guys aren't talked about because of the freakishness of old age+bad food. They're being talked about because of the freakishness of old age.

ON an seperate note: When Dr. Atkins (of Atkin Diet fame) died, he weighed 255 lbs, which according to the seriously flawed BMI, meant he was considered obese. However, he has lost considerable weight since then.

Heh. Yes, he has.

You're right--those old people are freakish. Probably we should do something about them....

Kapoo, I think I've figured out why cholesterol isn't a problem for you. It's all a question of scale. Probably you have twice the cholesterol that I do, in absolute terms, it's just that you're four times as big, so as a percentage of your blood it's half as much as I have. Mystery solved.

Likewise, you've given me a brilliant idea... I just need to get bigger somehow and my cholesterol will be fine...


7. shelbspeaks left...
Monday, 9 April 2007 4:31 pm :: http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm

There's a lot to consider about <a href= "http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm">cholesterol</a> when it comes to the heart of the matter. I came across an article by Dr. Russell Blaylock. In it he argues that cholesterol is a myth when it comes to heart diseases. Dr. Blaylock notes that <a href= "http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm">cholesterol</a> is linked to heart disease only 50 percent of the time. Most experts say <a href= "http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm">cholesterol</a> is key in the cause of heart disease and heart attacks, but not all of them. Russell Blaylock, MD, a respected nutritionist says that inflammation is the real culprit. <a href= "http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm">Cholesterol</a> is simply a symptom of inflammation. The body responds to inflammation by producing more cholesterol which then is used to cover inflamed arteries. Read more about <a href= "http://www.newsmax.com/blaylock/22a.cfm">cholesterol here</a>. Blaylock also points out that your gums could tell you if you'll die of a heart attack simply by it's bacteria and viruses. The more you are diseased the more your tissues become inflamed. This in turn, causes cholesterol and plaque buildup. Dr. Blaylock explains how to reduce inflammation.