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Travels with old people in search of America
I knew that older persons in our society have a lot of political clout, but I assumed that mostly it was because they were more organized than us young folk, they were less idealistic (and hence more willing and able to fight for what's best for themselves), and because they just have a lot more time on their dry, weathered hands. Now, however, I begin to suspect that it's just because there are so damn many of them.
And they're all out driving all the time.
When I started my journey away from my mom's place to go catch a concert, I almost immediately became stuck (or is it cornholed?) behind this older gentleman who insisted on driving 10 m.p.h. under the speed limit. 55? Try 45. 35? No, it's clearly not safe above 25. I think the only reason he went as fast as 20 in a 25 zone was because his car wouldn't idle that slowly. And it was like he was escorting me all the way from one outskirts of town to the other. Also, while waiting at a light, a car pulled up behind me to block a driveway about which, only moments before, a car coming in the opposite direction had signaled its intention to enter. I'd call it rude, but it's entirely possible that he's no longer capable of seeing that far, or perhaps his memory of traffic etiquette was lost in the latest wave of neurons to pulse their last. Who can say?
I also received a clue once I got on the turnpike and passed a little old lady who seemed to be in a titanic struggle with her steering wheel--at least, that's what I gathered from the deadly grip she exhibited in combination with a look that was a delicate alloy of intense focus and abject fear. Driving is apparently a test of mettle among that set, and such as serious one that, so far as I could tell, she wouldn't even steal a glance to the right or left. If I smelt fear, it was no doubt as much from other nearby vehicle operators. Or even mine.
And just to top it all off, when I was heading back to Pennsylvania yesterday in the driving rain, I ran into an amazingly slow patch of traffic. The source? A bus.
You guessed it: full of old people.
